Monterey/Carmel: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

OK, I admit that’s corny, but how could I resist? We've made five visits here since retiring. We really enjoy the area, and love the restaurants - well, some of them, anyway. Here's the skinny.

Double-click the active links for the full review, then use the back arrow to return:


THE GOOD:
Andre's Bouchee Bistro and Wine Bar, Carmel - First on our our list of "must do's in Monterey/Carmel" - our vote for the best French restaurant around the Bay Area, a wonderful value. Chef Andre, sadly, has passed on, but the food remains wonderful.
Bistro Moulin, Monterey - A marvelous tiny French bistro (dinner only) near the Aquarium, Gallic gustatory civilization in a plastic souvenir/tourist area
Fifi's Bistro Cafe, Pacific Grove - Old fashioned French, and our pick for a charming lunch spot. They dropped their excellent lunch quiche, though. 

Montrio Bistro, Monterey  - Beautiful downtown bistro, great service, creative food. A winner.
Parker-Lusseau Patisserie, Monterey  - Not just good, superb! A truly French bakery to die for. We stop here to bring bags home - quiches, croissants, and cakes. Second of our two "must do when in the area" places.
Passionfish, Pacific Grove - A second visit gave us unexpectedly lusty, aggressive, yet well-balanced flavors. The food is heartier, with a truly creative fusion edge, not just the 'slop some teriyaki sauce on it' pseudo-creativity we've encountered elsewhere (at some very high prices, I might add). Service is wonderful, dining room is stylish, and they finally offer coffee as well as fine teas. If the desserts would improve just a tiny bit, they would be perfection itself.

THE BAD (e.g., okay but with reservations, and we don't mean the seating kind):
1833 Restaurant, Monterey - Gorgeous upscale dining room is sabotaged by an erratic menu, equally erratic kitchen that is East Coast salty/sweet, and pleasant but unprofessional waitstaff. There's real talent there, but it's hard to find amidst the sloppiness.
Anton and Michel, Carmel  - The prettiest backyard patio in Carmel, but the food is tired and pedestrian. Bouchee is practically next door - why come here?
Bistro 211, Carmel - Looks French but menu and execution aren't. Very ordinary food; not bad, but not great either. Like Em Les, the price is the same as Fifi's but the food is half as good, so why not drive 5 minutes down the road?

Carmel Coffee House, Carmel - Decent Americano and breakfast fare when you need a quick meal or pick-up in Carmel-by-the-Sea but don't want to spend a fortune
Carmel Valley Ranch, Carmel - Like Chart House, only half bad. Prices are reasonable, some of the food is excellent. But the waitstaff went AWOL halfway through the meal, and no upscale resort worth their name should have this happen.
The Chart House, Monterey - Actually only half-bad. If you choose carefully, it’s actually pretty good. It’s just not great, being a corporate-run restaurant. Similar to Palomino in San Francisco, this is the Monterey location of an upscale chain nationwide.
 
Christopher's on Lincoln, Carmel - The sole reason this restaurant avoids the "Ugly" category is that some unknown genius produced a magnificent chile relleno starter for us. It was superb, but the rest of the meal qualified for 'worst of the trip' - a shame, because the dining room is very pretty, with a handsome fireplace.

Em Les Old Carmel, Carmel  - The portions are big, and a few things were good (fruit salad side, seafood omelet). But the Hollandaise was terrible, the pancake was weirdly puffed up with too much baking powder, and for the price, we could have gone to Fifi's a really good lunch - so why bother with here?

Le St. Tropez, Carmel - Not exciting, but reliable. We like it better than La Bicyclette for a casual lunch. Good salads and soup, big sandwiches. Lovely little hidden back patio, too.

Phil's Fish Eatery, Moss Landing - Funky and old-fashioned; nothing fancy but big servings of decent fresh fish at reasonable prices. But honestly, there's better places that don't cost much more, and aren't filled with tourists.


THE UGLY:

Bechler Patisserie, Pacific Grove - Impossible to believe this rates the same on Yelp as the far superior Parker-Lusseau. Pretty dining room and good service, but poor quality food. As Carlos said, "French in name only."

La Balena, Carmel - Average regional Italian. Both SF & Oakland do the same, but better. Okay if you must have Italian in the area, instead of the far superior French food.

Fandango, Pacific Grove - Huge portions of uninteresting, indifferent quality food.

Forge in the Forest, Carmel - Awful. Maybe three words are better: awful bar food. Waste of a great outdoor patio.


Recommended stops along the way up/down:
Teske's Germania, San Jose - a downtown fun spot with lots of gemutlich, and a stunning Jagerschitzel. Worth the stop just for that breaded pork cutlet with long noodle-like spaetzle.